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Can Men and Women Be Platonic Friends?

I’ve recently had a discussion with a male friend of mine about platonic relationships. How this conversation came about was his curiosity about why our mutual friends had suspected there was more to our relationship than its platonic nature. And so we began to discuss this topic in more depth.

His first question to me was, “Has anyone asked you whether we were more than just platonic friends?” I was a little surprised. He asked me why I thought our mutual female friends had suspected more between us. So it begged the question, “How have you been responding?” It was apparent to me, given the response he gave me, that we were both responding consistently: we are platonic friends. So I told him to not sweat it.

Does it upset me that people are talking and making assumptions about the nature of our relationship? No, because I know the reality of the situation and the depth of our friendship. I’ll be honest, for a very long time in my life I never believed men and women could be platonic friends without at least one person having feelings for the other. Now, a much older and wiser woman that I am, I know that it is absolutely possible. Three of my closest friends are men. Two of whom have always been platonic in nature. One of whom I had a long relationship with and transitioned into a platonic friendship after we realized we really respected each other despite our failed relationship. I would have never fathomed in a million years that it would ever be possible to have a platonic relationship with a man I’ve dated, given how jealous and insecure I was in the past. However, that is no longer an issue because I’ve grown to love the skin I’m in and I choose to live my life by my own terms. I don’t let the judgment and criticism of others discourage me.

Why do I think people talk about others and doubt the fact that men and women could be platonic friends? There are many reasons for that. People have the tendency to internalize situations and if they can’t see themselves being capable of having a platonic friendship with a man, they find it difficult believing others could do it as well. It can come from a place of one’s own insecurities and self-consciousness after having been hurt or wronged in the past. The way we perceive things to be has been heavily influenced by our upbringing, past experiences, and conditioning we received in various environments. I have developed my own belief system by trying and testing things and then finding my own truth through firsthand experience. I don’t let others influence me to buy in to their belief system because that would be foolish of me to second guess myself when I know myself better than anyone in this world.

So to my friend who has posed this question, my response is, “Who gives a crap what people are saying?” There will be many situations in our lives where people will support us or try to bring us down. We are not immune to negative situations. However, what we have control over is how we react to those situations. Instead of letting it increase our stress levels and paralyze us, it’s our job to conduct ourselves in the way we want to be perceived. I choose to not participate or engage in all the hype. I choose to live my life the way that it best serves me. That is, I must be consistent in my actions and behaviors.

Yes, I have a few best friends who are male. We are platonic. We love and care about each other like family. I embrace these friendships and appreciate these guys. If they would have come in another form, I’d love them just the same. They happen to be men. That makes them no less qualified to be my friend.

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