Fall back in love with yourself and attract the life, work, and love you truly want.

A Letter to he

Dear he,

I’ve been debating whether I should write this letter to you and after thoughtful consideration and having some time to reflect on things, it only made sense to do so. My intent is not to elicit a response from you; I simply want to share some things with you and to thank you for being a part of my life for the duration and purpose you were meant to be in it.

Though we did not have the opportunity to know each other well, in the few weeks we were becoming acquainted, I really felt a strong connection on many levels. It was rare for me because I haven’t developed an emotional connection like that in quite some time. There are many reasons for that. I believe the major reason is that, in the past, when I have loved someone, I’ve loved them hard. I’ve revolved my whole world around them. I’ve given them my all. What was often left behind was a conflicted woman who felt neglected and unloved because she wasn’t receiving the love she had reciprocated; at least in her heart, she felt she was never loved as much as she loved.

That woman was so wounded by the constant disappointment of past relationships that ended because she simply out-loved them. Often defining herself by the relationships she was in, she went through extreme bouts of emotion falling into depression and anxiety when things weren’t going well. She had lost herself in her relationships and never fully understood who she was or what she wanted in life. She didn’t know her self-worth because she was too concerned with her man and less concerned about herself.

This pattern she had with men continued until the fall of 2007, when she realized the man she was falling in love with would never choose her. They were intimate. They spent time together. They had regular communication. However, he never wanted to take the relationship further because of his conflicted state of mind. He was very open about that to her. However, his actions were not congruent with his words and that gave her mixed messages. So, she did one of the most difficult things she had ever done in her life. She ended the quasi-relationship with this man who she had fallen in love with because she could no longer be content to know she had compromised her integrity by staying in a half-assed relationship that didn’t serve either of them. It broke her to pieces, but she ended it as civil as possible and started on her journey towards self-discovery and self-love.

Shortly after their break-up and after making some progress with her new-found self, she stumbled upon him randomly one night at a local venue only to discover he was arm in arm with a new woman whom he addressed “girlfriend.” She was so hurt, so sad, so angry, and felt utterly helpless about the situation. Despite all the work she had done to get herself back and let go of the past, seeing that he had chosen another woman only shoved the blade deeper into her chest, reminding her that she was still not good enough to be chosen by this man.

As difficult and challenging as this experience was for her, she knew she had to do what was in her best interest to not take it personally. She knew she had to forgive him and learn from the experience. She knew she wouldn’t understand it then, why this had to happen to her. But she believed in the faith and hope that it all happened for a reason. She did what was best and that was to let go, not internalize the situation, and to move forward instead of reverting to old behavior that would only hold her back.

Over the past three and a half years, she’s come a long way. She has learned to understand more than to be understood. She has learned to love herself as much as she wants to be loved by others. She has learned to not take it personally when someone is just not that into her. She has learned to vocalize her stance on things. But most of all, she has learned forgiveness even when she has been hurt or wronged by someone.

I share with you this story of my past not because I want you to feel sorry for me or guilty in any way. I take a huge risk in writing to you and sharing these intimate parts of my life with you. I could choose to hate you. I could choose to think ill thoughts of you. I could choose to speak poorly of you. I could choose to write you off and never let you know how you have affected me. Instead, I choose to understand you. I may never know the truth behind why you pursued me so heavily and then disappeared when things seemed to be going so well. I may never know the reason why you didn’t choose me when I felt we had something unique developing. I may never know why even after you chose someone else you would attempt to make contact with me. I may never know whether the feelings I had for you were even genuinely reciprocated. I may never get those answers and, honestly, it’s not even my business to know.

I want to thank you for being a part of my life. In the time we got to know each other, I was reminded that I could feel emotional about someone again. In the time we spent together, I was content to know that we didn’t even need intimacy to be so strongly connected. I was able to show so many sides of me to you without holding back. I was able to be so candid and honest with you about my thoughts and feelings. Though you didn’t choose me, the rewards outweighed the risks. I risked having feelings for you and showing my emotions knowing I could face rejection. The reward is that even though I faced rejection, my behavior is not tempered by others’ actions, and that I can still have faith and hope in achieving an emotional connection like this again one day.

All the Best,

she

 

 

Photo credit: Richard Cottonfield

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